he knows.

I say, "no"
Please, "no"
Don't stop him
He's trying
Just once more for feeling
He's good
He's real
He's fitting
To his own cloth
No one must realize
What is real
And most unforgiving
Just lacking
Self assurances
It's pain
It's blush
It's scary
I want to find this:
"Feeling"
I work; I try
I'm reeling
From the false
Sentiments
And security
A landslide
Oh, "it must be"

CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP.

I can see the reason
Close minded after region
Told by the coming father
"You're not my young"
"You're not mine"
Trapped in ballrooms
Dancing on the floor
Like we're standing straight up
Couldn't carry on a conversation
With my shiny raincoat
So I took to drinking
Cigarette smoke
Against a chandelier
Made me feel safe
For what it was
Until I had a premonition
Saw the aftermath
Of all equaled hollowed parts
Left shattered on the dance floor
Like a fallen disco ball
Police storm the gates
As the crows decended on the deserters
Eyeballs out and sucking my stomach in
Dying with dignity
Like a centerfold for cheap magazines
Hands stained with the blood
Of the party guest punch
The host dosed in gasoline
Running the floor
Crumples into a burst of flames
Attractive girl drugged and violently pounding at her chest
Says: "What a great party."
In her last breath

The idealist.

Trick
Slick
Sonofabitch
Looking for an easy cure
Staying close to home
While running away
That warm light
Burning at his coattails
Smiling in the sunshine
Blowing smoke out of parked cars
Trying to settle down
While moving on
Sack on his back
And a bottle in his hand
Lonely train tracks
Filled with people
Trying to offer up some advice
Under their breath
While telling stories of taking chances
Littered like trash
In these bleached summer days
Showing shadows for who they are
A jacket on a skeleton
Small men speaking tall
They've had more than a few
Rope swung into the open water
Just to hit the shallows
Bruised and bloodied
Crawling up
To run home
Like some kind of joke
That hurts
Oh, it really hurts.

ghost money.

80's resurrected like christ at a used car salesman's convention
Tearing the wings off of speckled flies with tobbaco stained teeth
Yield to the east
Yield to the west
Then turn
A false feeling of security while getting sexually molested
By a cheap clown in the parking lot
On the way to my car
Minivan with two kids
And a wife expecting
Pulled flower from the palm of my hand
Broke at the root and bled
Shatters like glass
Sounds like summer 08'
Breaking in my shoes
While breaking someone's jaw
Heard the speakers blow out
Before the band even started
Yelling and screaming
What the hell happened
Post conversion.

Raccoon girl.

Like an illustration in a fantasy story
Sought that castle in the clouds
With it's porcelin prisms & unending arches
Walk the walkway like a galliant figure of glory
A knight returning from a victorious quest
Rescued the damsel - slayed the dragon
Worn armor and bloodied hands
Blackened eyes and weakening smile
It's not this path that enlightens me
Makes me certain that truth in honor prevails
But the murky middle of my past
Chanced upon a lone traveler
Profiteering his own carnival
Magic mirrors and premonitions
Of the future: love & death
His mock mustache and towering hat
Dispelling misgivings with the wave of a wand
Spoke in promises; not honesty
And one look on
Saw the day I'd die
The trials I faced
Chasing raccoon girl down the unplaced path
Leaving a trail of blood behind me
Heard the laughter in the smoke
Annoyomous and vicious
Rushed in a haze
Violent fever
That left me faint
Even as I reached the throne
Where I knelt for the king
As he gently tapped my shoulder with honor
I grabbed the blade - bare hands -
And cut my head off.

The spectrum of dreams.

Flashlight on the glass
Until you couldn't guess no more
Bite your nails & cross your arms
Fell back on the curtains
Took your fall
Left the chaos in leaving
And went back to carry on
Victim of your own conviction
Solving a mystery that's a secret to keep
Whisper the answer to an audience in tears
Boos that were rehearsed
A tragedy in the making
For months and years
You've perfected your incorrectness
Unabashed from the snarling teeth
Put a rose on your performance
And spit on the ground
As you bow
Swept away by a janitor's push.

Lost films.

No more patients
Just empty glasses
Cold sterile whites
And faceless strangers
All against the wall
Seething as you walk by
No different than before
A common stride
Let's a breath go
A ghost in the cold
Tell tale sign
There's never letting go
Bit my lip
Till the last bled spit
Trying to go to bed
Never mention this again
Confusing as the letters
I wrote to myself
Dear, Self
How do I really feel?
P.S. you need help.

Wolf boy.

The gleam of the sun on his tired face
Young boy with too much time on his hands
Raising himself as he was
In the endless vistas; the milked sunlight
Too kind to his tired eyes
Immersing himself in the endless sky
But tethered to a dimming light
A canvas faintly abstract
By weathered convictions
Lost in stories of time
He'd try to free himself
If he wasn't so trapped
In the ideas of glory
The false traditions
The tinged truth of reality
Unleashing a false pretense
Unto his own existence
That confides in him
A burning envy
Unlike that of you or I
May be known as truth
Or scorn
But a trial of ambition
A world, that's meant
To exist
In the minds and hearts
Of everyone he touches
As he keeps to himself
Realizing time and time again
That he's found his reasons
Unfounded, unmotivated
Yet lack for a better effort
In place of a better idea
He's alone in this world
And the faces seems
Blank.

Ghosts being.

I see the painted horses
Mounting on the horizon
Of foreign seas
Beyond the begotten
True to source
They scatter
Like birds
Above the sunrise
Carrying
Shadows as they go
But what do I know?
That in fate
We'll belong to that
Which we cannot define
Some simple honor
Some mundane truth
Cast along a tepid sea
Of dishonest truth
Growing old
In the letters I write you
Truly, seeing my face
Weathered and passed
Made by the worried and morose
Tired beneath
My own strength
True to my own fate
Tied by the twine
That you tied yourself
With feeble, fragile hands
Carefully in contempt
Behind the shades
The shadows
And the hurt
I see the true face.

I wouldn't have you.

There's a place in the hands
And that's where we'll meet:
Overcast and shadowed
It's strange, confused, and new
I carried a casket down the beach
From Maine
The homeland
Unto myself
In a sacred image
Of saint mary
Blistering and glowing
In all her holy honor
Yet fire
Makes her
So cold to
The eye
Like a faint
Memory
On the beach

Trip.

Some ideal
Some ideal
Doesn't seem real
So I'll keep it to myself
Never release myself
Just a faulty truth
Kept beneath the dirt
Soon to surface soon
Unkept demons
Blossoming
Into nasty black flowers
Down the sidewalk
Something to trip over
And down
Till you're rolling
Into flames
Bursting into space
Never real
Never real
It's a big decision
To tell yourself

The day I lost my life.

Carried out by courteous patrons
I saw my body lifted
Carried off to the forest
I chased after
What I thought; an apparition
Yet the smell of the season
Sundered my reason
As I came to the truth
I was under the veil
Seeing the truth
Through obscurity
Truth blindfolded
And binding
To this close reflection
Of the half glass
Emptying
Stuck inside
My imagination
Pictures of you
Flooding
My mind
And those tall trees
Stand for something
Interrupted past
Quiet feeling
At peace
With the mounting
Dark
Leaving my family
For familiarity
Casting myself
As the outcast
It's you!
It's you!
...you're doing this to me
But it's no one.
Just myself.
Following
A path
To nothing
Lost in myself
Lost in those trees
Daring, bracing
Gone...oh, gone.
Oh my god.
i must be sorry.
For to long have I looked to the vestigial
Of self harmony
To cast my own orphan
Conceded abortion
Left productivity
Isolation
Cast in shadows
Underneath the calm
Of morning hollow
"Can I think one day with doubt"
"No, that, I doubt."

Drunk, dumb, & dull. "He'll have his last laugh with his suffering!"

I see the campfire lighting
The skeletal trees
In this grey mass
I stand back
Hidden in the hills
A silhouette lost amongst the darkness
I wondered if she had received my letters
A secret to keep
To herself
Or no on else
No one
So I bit my tongue
Bled it to water the seeds
See if the tree grows
The wind blows
Carries them elsewhere
Some place
Close to me
Or in a far thought
Somewhere I'd forgot
That would be worth reliving
To give a gentle feeling
Be kind
& take it upon myself
To walk the hills
And stay true
Till I'd make a mention
So soberly
To myself
In whispers
Of disrespect
:There'd be a guillotine:
A shadow of an execution
And a perfectly played part
By a head rolling

A great summary of the series "Lost".

Concentration broken up into fragments
Never meaning more than a lingering thought
To the main idea
Choking myself on air
Is a complex method for keeping still
Many forces at work in the dissolving and destitution
Of the creator of thoughts
Perplexed by the knots in his palms
His failure to put the pen to the paper
Like a knife sliding down an already opened wound
Blood spilling out
But it doesn't mean a damn thing
And for shame, for shame...
One to reflect back
On such tired stories
To pull one thread
Worth clutching
Drain it till it's dry!
Till there's nothing left!
We're immediate in our acknowledgements of such success
But bound to a basic formula
Not worth noting
Great pieces
Coming out of a great nothing
Stranded by itself
On the island



...And the falling
Of debris
As the plane crashes
Into the sea


Oh, the trappings of routine.

Photographs that meant what I had hoped.

Withered bones
In the carcass parking lots
Little boys and little girls
Playing on the monkey bars
Of skeletal fragments
Spines & skulls
I see my dying hands
Wrapped in the flesh of yours
Like an ill suited glove
It'll keep me warm but not for long
As I see the fading sun
Like the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust
My eyes seem to be so dry
They can't water
My body brittle and breaking
Like glass covered with old news papers
My blood like black thick ink
Runs down my body
Renewing the asphalt
Embedding myself
As I lose my ability to grasp
You fall as shatter
Carried away by a gentle breeze
I fall into your departing remains
Being carried away
I see the world from far away
And watch it fall unto it's self
Parking lot folds upon parking lot
Buildings unto one another
Collapsing, colliding, destructing
Into emergence
Upon it's new realization
A perfect place
To raise the kids.

Angel.

I dreamt I fell asleep
With the window open
A breeze chaotically came through
Sending my papers & works into a twister
It awoke me and as I attempted to gather my thoughts
I saw the angel standing in the lawn
Her image glowing with purpose
As the moon lit her like a candle
She came in as a shadow
Shifted to an arrow
And aimed at the apple
I stood up and looked at her with worry
As her feathers fell
She was molting
I peered into the hall
Making sure none one was about
Then made my way to cabinet
Grabbed a bottle of whiskey
Drank it down without much trouble
Walked back to my room
Saw her kneeling at my bed
Asked her to stand
As she did; she fell backward
Hitting the wall
With a terrible racket
Blood on the nightstand
She looked at me
With a waning glimmer of hope
Then to a vanity mirror
As it exploded
It was like crystal exposed to light
Shimmering waters when the moon was full
Her feathers ascending and descending
In a blinding burst
I fell to my knees
Watching the heavens collapse
As my heart stopped
My eyes sunk
And a last swallow
Felt my body in motion
As I fell deathly still
The feathers collecting
On my tears.

My faith hangs by the center of that cloud.

Falling from the sky
Straight into a parachute
Relaxed by the thin pillow
That swallows you whole
I see the hole in the cloud
From where I fell
Stays in the center
Till it shapes and folds
To something small
And not personal
Carrying a conversation
After the mid-air collision
Talking about the weather
As we free fall
Friendly enough fellow
But his attempts at lighting a cigarette
Don't go unnoticed
As we view the ground below
Hearing the crash
Before the fall
Deafening our thoughts
As we unwillingly continue
On with conversation
Like sharing a drink
His face turns
And all his shame
Flees to space
As we smile
Sincerely
As strangers do
Right before
One big awkward silence.

Last Summer.

Pupils, catching stars
Off the sparks
In the midnight oils
Of the stratosphere
Long car rides
Away from the beach
With each new tide
I see your face
Disappear behind the hillside
Your passing
Soon only in mention
And the paths we made
With the trails we took
Wash away with sand and time.

In the Dark.

Your summers are gone
Your work spent
There's nothing left
Tired song
Tired song
Be true
Let the darkness in
Storm on the sea
The old house
The attic
Where you used to live:
Those woods
At night
Run and hide
Never feeling safe
Breathing in the air
Its cold & empty
Stark & free
Things can't be safe
We can't trust that
Not ourselves
Don't get comfortable
Let the darkness in
Cause the suns gonna rise
Let the darkness in
There you don't die
Let the darkness in

Sad whales. (sea side funeral)

With thinly arms
Men beating on drums
See thoughts reflect back
From the ripples in the water
With each rain drop
(Their eyes closed)
Black sails set
Against a muddled sun
A morose sea
Fog drifting in
The sad whales sing
The corpse:
Blind folded
Smokes his last cigarette
Mutters goodbyes
To loved ones
With his hands tied:
Raises his fists
As the thunder haunts the air
Still

Rushing.

Going nowhere
Blowing about like littered
Leaflets caught in a gust
Asking for your subscription
Your faith
Asking for your application
To wonders worth seeing
Ideas worth thinking
Taking a moment to pause
Between the inhale
And the

Exhale

To go
Or to
Stay
Remain
In some hope
Comfort.
Conforming to the walls
That hold you
House is a home
Arms to embrace
Reassurance
I'll make.
In return
Routine
No escape
So take the chance
To even think:
You're holding
A ticket in your hand
Not sure to where
The ink has worn
And the train is blank
Like a canvas
For your optimism
Or your grief
Settled on the railing of the station
And image in the sky
Fixated on setting sun
Staring while
The last bell
Sounds
Your feet in operable transport
Sinking into the cement
Hearing the conductor's
Last call
Steam hiss
Doors crash
Closed.
Waving goodbye
Even though you're staying
Just go
Go.

the golden pavilion.

It's nervous, stale
In the autumn air
The crisp leaves beneath our feet
Felt as if I had not aged
Young and scared
More curious than before
Taking my hand
Winding
Along the sidewalks
Like a ballet serpent

The park
I use to play in
Not the same
As I remembered
Much different
But the feeling
And the air
So pure
So simple
I'm sure

You're a silhouette
Of a ghost
Guiding me
Some mass
Of familiarity
Just out of view
It feels like a trick
But I'm handing myself over
Quite. unsure.
But I feel safe

Taken with sincerity in your
voice
Hollowed out and missing
Trusting in your
eyes
Off somewhere
Looking upon me

It feels like god
Yet a goddess
I wouldn't know
I never would
It's gold

I see it now:
As it dawns
On a pyramid
Brilliant
Surreal
Why is it there?
Obscuring the sun?
Something I've never seen before.

It's unsafe.
Untried.
Mechanical.
Organic.

In the childhood park?
My first love
Taking me by the hand
As a shape
Unalluded to memory
Creation
Obvious!

The sunrise is like fire
Bursting off the sides
The scattered light
Like a splash of blood

Reminds me when to die
My past so pure
And painful
Forming a stutter
To be shy

People will wonder
When you're gone
No matter how you go

You're just gone
And that's something to wonder!

You're walking through the park
And you're feeling these things
It's a crisp autumn day
And you're feeling these things

The love that I saw that day
Is no match
For the love of the day

Not like this life
That's been made worth living

haunted.

Settled on the docks
Waiting for the ship
Little breeze
And dusk
Telling
Nothing
Of what's to come
Glimmers of hope
Reflections of the water
Some light;
Watch it flicker
What folds into dark
Is so nurtured and rich
Driving the desert
From the sea
Now on vast lands
Of dust and sun
Waiting on the misplaced docks
Watching the seagulls fall
Another dastard display
Of disinterest in conviction
Left the boy numb
Stranded in abandonment
But what wilts of hope
Turns to realization
Of a cut hand
A bleeding protest
Lying far down
Small and undisplayed
A personal vindication
Well-meaning person
Did not give up
Did not die from drought
Did not miss those waters
Murkier as he continued to wait
Like this sand settles
As though it's an infinitive hour glass
But the tides have been seen
This is no mirage
There is still chance in waiting
Even if the return
Is more of the same

heart break.

piano strings
hanging from the trees
on a cloudy day
just after rain
saw my hands
going grey
listening
for a call
wearing my favorite clothes
nice sounding shoes
maybe I'll run into you
find another way to impress you
before; there goes another day
church bells & the birds
lingering from up high
all; out of sight
as a cough catches a regard
for the cold to take the age
leaving skin stretched
and voice sore
can't unlock lips
to shout out:
see if someones listening?
but vague guesses
really haven't solved anything
as the wind settles
the dead trees: die
can't try hard
to see what I've done
left up to see
what you'll decide
past tense: a long time
so I left
some old fairy-tale place
tainting the air
burning up the books
it's an abandoned house
hearing the old floors
moan and moan
makes me nervous:
run out into the woods
back to the days where I had thought
I escaped
leaving my life to be alone
trying to figure out a way
to get you back
farther and farther
I couldn't find my way back
I'm sure if if I could
I'm sure that I can't
further and further
past. past.

elongated lines.

razor dead, conviction, kill
in the summer house hills
rivers of gold
reflecting waning sunlight
turns to blood
when it falls to dusk
drink it up
drink it up
see the sails from the beach
white diamonds in blue haze
so relaxing
sounds of waves
winds
thunderstorms
coming up through the tall fields
just a squall but they'll call
yah back home
retreat
retreat
away
you're so aware
so safe
& quiet.

gravity shun.

Straight streets
Long shadows
Earth bites
And scratches
Little cuts in the sky
Dripping dark
On buildings
& parking structures
Sunsets, right.
Long hands stretch far
Down the alleys and the boardwalk
Near the suburbs and my house
Clouds swirl and the grass dies
Dog is dead and the roof's on fire
As my mom comes home from work
To collect the mail

the excessive room.

the excessive room is an entity that exists entirely in streams of consciousness. It is endless existence while existing in a single space. Visualized as four walls with a ceiling it is never physically represented but interpreted accordingly by occupants. Memories, photographs, written words, remembered conversations, dreams, drawings, and film all are represented through the mind's eye of understanding. Remembering memories offers different standpoints and subtle differences (or large depending) to the researcher of one's own categorical thoughts. Simplifying and distilling is key in understanding the basis of a feeling and retained emotion. To express this the body may seek a nonexistent outside stimuli to reinforce understanding and reassurance. Memories shared by one exist very differently thus the excessive room is only one user compliant. Unity is a falsity. Things are always complex yet simple. Rhythmically layered and compiled to make sense. There is rarely excuse, just observation. Non chronological sequences of events may create "holes" or missing information allowing the room to be devoid of anything but what the users input or "solved information" . This offers the user "resolve" and keeps the excessive room excessive with consistency and no "break". The excessive room is endless. This is an epic problem.

speaking in french and smoking (a lot of) cigarettes.

Try to see the eyes of the beast
Draining power from our houses
Leading extension cords
Down the street
Sisters wrapped up in em'
Dying playing jump rope
Brothers gotta get home
But he's got his shoes melting
Asphault's turnin' tar
And that sun ain't what you thought
When it's leaving stains
All over that bright blue sky
Can't deny the lasers
When mom and dad's car
Blows up.
And a decent size head hole
Can't offer escape
From this depression
Heart attacks at the tick of the clock
Sending us hurling to our hospitals
Gettin' medications
For anxieties prone to be
Being
Sip some shaky tea
Spilling steam
On
The
Dining room
Waiting room
Table
Charts
Charts
Charts

crave to catch the edge,

Falling piece
Of glowing debris
Dancing in place
Raining from space
Coming off of
Me
It's not shedding light
It's letting you know it's dark
& that
maybe there's still something
to see.

sounds in the other room.

It would be a while to awake
Caught in a spell of stairwells
Coffee stains, curtains, lobbies
I find myself in familiar hallways
Not knowing the door of the room
They're all identical and have their place
The numbers are constant equations
Never functioning to a solution
Just soul less direction
To a private space that's not so private
Air conditioners and loud lights
Pretend I'm at sea when I'm sitting down
Rocking back and forth till I'm lost
Then found
When the foghorn alarm sounds
And the ship sinks empty
Into waves of distant audio
Like a television heard for miles
Trapped in another place
Must be my imagination
Or the couple fighting in the hall
Thinking to loud
Of a different scene
In a sitcom rerun
Where it's always funny
Because I remember so fondly
Then it drifts out
And it's gone
The lights buzzing
The air condition takes it's break in the cycle
Could be hours
Before I'm sleeping
Again

Do Not Be Afraid.

Lights on the water
Striking a figure
Made of water
Shimmers in the dark
Staggers to be seen
Out of the lake
Unto the dock
With a stern face
And soft hands
He cuts the air still
Like an approaching storm
Carried through the air
By fireflies to the land
Parking lots and misunderstandings
Street lamps make him amber
Children laughing
In the midst of the night
Makes you hollow
Ghosts of the day
Things this figure can't not understand
Mystery that makes us unsure
Timid
Anxious
What makes us this way?
Do not be afraid
Racing through the woods
Following a dim light
I hear the wolves
And they're howling
For blood in the harvest moon
They are silhouettes carrying the landscape
Moving this figure in a strange way
Like we were on the lake
Up and down the hills
In the fields
Where the mist draws the smoke
Away from the fire in fury
The moon a wicked way
Of showing our true surroundings
Something nervous
About not knowing where we are
Yet it feels like we were there
Some time we cannot remember
A dream without dreaming
Do not be afraid
I can hear the shadows
I can feel the hollow
Wind piercing my skeleton
Through my bones
And out of my face
As I breathe
As I see
Do not be afraid!
Do not be afraid!

I'll get drunk.

I'll get drunk tonight.
Call in to work
Some vouched favor to myself
To never stop deception
Like it's a favor to myself
To escape from anything
Likened to: having something
To look forward to
Other than late nights
Smoke stacks and taboo
Can't complain as long as I'm awake
Walk these train tracks till they fade
In a trance I'm not feelin' okay
Just bit my last lip
And I'm bleeding away
Till the lights explode
The sky falls
And smoke does justice to haze
A headache is a purity
To that which I can relate
Some fixed resolution of conflicts
And I can't complain
Let me linger
Till I run away
Escaping the facts
The tricks
The pains
Of an idiot
With not much to blame
I can't complain
I can't complain

Stealing Hearts.

I came around
Last night
Flicking matches
At your car window
Waking up
I see you
Tired but so awake
...waiting for me
Must be some kind of sad fantasy
To find a cure...
For this bored time
Tired words
Said over and over and over
Again.
Love; apparently
Tricked to God
Tell your family:
We're going away
We're going far away
And you're gonna miss her
Nobody's gonna miss me
I used to hold her hand
Now it's tethered
Now you're never going back
To anything
False claims are the memory
Aren't you sad?
But can't complain
Cause I've got a plan
That's not worth anything
Just an untrustworthy
Desire to not be alone
Now I'm not your friend
Now I'm not your lover
I'm a liar
I'm a truth
I'm here.

death in the orchard

blood on the veins
based in the roots
black on the tree
carved out last summer
in hearts and names
letters and dates
bare branched
naked
missing leaves
a stranger lights the night
with a cigarette strung
to twilight
he puppets himself to the thought
of trees
and leaves
lights
memories
cascading down from the last star
a heart carved out
the blood pours out
the last thing he sees
but one last piece of fruit
ripe and gorgeous
red apple
black.

release the starlets

long casts of an evening stride
Mary at my side
Leaving my arms with every summer breeze
And just as the sun sets
The air dies
And I go to sleep
Left too warm to dream
Blank and starved
I wake with the worry
Of what I'm left to see

faded

the shell of myself
displaying most wonderful colors
left in a rocking chair
by the window
with the calm of the ocean
at my grandmother's house
little birds and owls
all carved from drift wood
tickings of old clocks
little feelings
strange thinkings
gone, by gone, left
in the birches outside the door
where the grass is tuned blue
by the light of the late moon
stilling; so still
so quiet and never fleeting
it stays yet I'm leaving
what remains is deceiving.

In my honor.

Spotted oils and veils
making patterns of cloaks
Dripping down the streets
Like well trained shadows
Shining lights in casts of fire
Nothing left behind but letters
To all their fathers
Yet not the mothers
Made our skin grow
Marrow whisper
Like just another marigold
We'll wilt & wonder
Knowing just our pain
Black hands and blank eyes
Stood straight
To hide our sighs
Against the night
We are pale fades
Drifting into dark waters
Disappearing before grace

in the fields of mist.

Long arm reaching from the mist
Pale & frail with a gentle hand
Holding out but one daisy
Claspped between two familiar fingers
"Petite, precarious, and lovely"
I find words not truer nor as haunting
The sky bares it's blight
As the fading petals catch the blood
Raining down in but one drop
In one moment.
Catching every bit till the once spring flower...
Takes to autumn
And with every new grown thorn
There is but one devil
To run and hide
And watch of our embraces
To laugh with malice & malcontent
A faceless figure
To mask our smiles
Bury our eyes
Cover us in sheets
Trapped like sheep
Captured in sleep

chances are.

I was listenin' to the trees
The whispering wind
Brings me to ma knees
Can't fall do-own
Birds leaving their nests
Putting them up for sale
Sadness in their chests
Can't fall do-own
And I'm trying to see
What did...
And how can that be?!
Can't fall do-own
Fold the envelope
At the bend
Of the river
Send your letters to the pull
And watch yourself letting go...
Can't fall innn
And I was getting the dust in my eyes
My voice crackles as it dries
And I can't seem to find
Much of anything.
Don't yah die.

My voice is tired.

my voice is tired
So I'll just fill it with salt water
so you won't hear me anymore
just a gargle and a choke
as I cut my hands off
to be given proper burial
in the sand box
Creating shadow puppets in the middle of the night
Wake you; with restless eyes
Haunted with the need of expression
Trembling to compose
In the moonlight
Then I'll gouge my eyes out
Put them in a fishbowl
Floating around, food twice a day
They'll get old that way
Then for the body
I'll put it on the train
Give it all the wrong tickets
And wrong ways
It'll never get home
And that'll be that.
Almost forgetting...
The heart & the brain
Just tell them they need to part ways
Feelin' better in a few days
I'll never be the same.

June Bug

I see the smoke escape the glass
Trapped that fire for so long
Now it's free and burns the cold
With the black blood stains
On the bedroom floor
Hide in your sheets
While wearing a mask
(Things that terrify me
When I worry about you)
But there are spiders on the ceilings
Oh, there are spiders on the ceiling
Oh no.
Their webs have taken all your photographs
Holding hostage friends and family
Memories floating; detached
You look away to see what isn't there
But I see the truth and it's fierce!
I see the dark and it's true.
You say you're afraid...
...& I agree with you.
Hear their knocks at the windows
Deaths at your hands in the night.
Demons in love with the light.
No light.

the fire ate itself.

it's what I've heard:
you think you're hollow
so take a drink for another
...just take your time
before you die again

complain' that:
you can't keep your hand warms
only hold your head up to see:
how far the shadow travels
before in ends
like you wish it wouldn't

...how stupid:
you'll keep the letters
smoked cigarettes
all those dead flowers
just photographs of a broken lens

So very well:
from in your heart
take that red ribbon
keep pulling
till it stretches for miles
then set the fire

& as it burns:
watched from the highest hill
till it burned him up
and there was nothing left
but a pile of ash and wisp of smoke

sea gulls.

the waves crashing against the shore
carry the corpse of one I adore
watch it linger till the sun goes down
watch it linger till the tide moves on
birds often mistaken for stars
her eyes open when she hears their song
(the silhouettes hide in the dark)
her mouth, agape, seems to utter:
words that I can't seem to remember
thoughts escaping through rushing waters
a blanket of sound for the silent one
echos off the hollowness
of rocky cliffs
and passing on's
I hear their mournful melody
Haunting all my bones
Feeling the world
Leaving this place
A shallow hole
In empty space
I catch my breath
Before I faint
Falling into that state
Where I wouldn't know
What would exist
Before it's gone
It's all I've missed.

skateboarding accident.

Drove the car along the water
See the smoke for miles
A coastial bled sun is not significant
Until it burns the eyelashes of every gull
Wax puddles in the parking lots
Stereophonics echo down the board walk
Like a drone distant soul
Singin' to meh:
"Couldn't keep the sweat off our backs
Couldn't eye the hair dyed girls"
Aimlessly assured to pass
Following blood stains on the sidewalks
Already-been-chewed-gum & blowing lottery tickets
Dark falls on thick like a glass case
Illuminating the sparse trees in a freaky glow
Cast out by the carnival
Played out like a horror show
Date night or night night
Go, go, go...
Spinning 'round
Till I'll hurricane vomit
And hurry home

people in front of houses.

Blue dream on the pillow like the sky and the clouds out the window. Sleep pill delirium and a quick grip of the railing on the stairwell. Checked the thermostat; lit a secret cigarette and prayed all these wrinkles away. Mirror in the bathroom painted broken and there's a glass of wine in the shower. Thought about paying bills...driving to the convenience store parking lot...no, I'll turn on the radio. Same songs I've heard since I was twelve and better. Tie my tie like a child does shoe laces. Drank a cup of coffee out of a novelty mug. Said: "Oh no it's Monday..." It's Tuesday. Work space in the work shed, craftsman of my own cubicle.
Grass is emerald green bleeding out from the gray gravel. I don't remember the last time I slept in my bed. I sleep on the couch. Should be working in a high rise. Murder-suicide, forgot to tie my tie. She's never home. I don't care anymore. Forgot to let the dog out. Hearing the ghostly echo to fix the fence. Losing my hair. Got to go to work. & just then my pen exploded.

Endless Love.

Sunsetting:
Purple

Clouds:
Dark & darker

The vines spread like:
Fire

The old church:
An appirition

Fading:
Into nothing

The streets:
Spilling people

Street lamps:
Burning oil

The time:
Meaningless

Love:
Is forever

Love:
Is forever

Spirits.

See the breath
In my chest
Exhale
:Into:
Shimmering lights
Trapped in a cloud
Of smoke
Say a whisper
For the leaving
Pull it threw with string
Sew a dream
(Sew a dream)
One last stitch
One last night
((Cold))
I feel strange
Staring out the window
((Tears))
& it's raining
Holding the umbrella
In the hallway
Watching you walk
Towards the exit
Go
Go
Gone

Passing by a Reunion.

Long severed ties
Blowing away like ribbon
In a particular gust
They'll be caught again
Acting casual
After being cruel
Till they're plucked up
By birds
Who thought they were worms.

Night Flower (Blossoming)

I stood on the hill
Till the bright moon...
...got in the way
Bastard glows to gloat
Casting deviance
In his lighted bouquets
Like a sheath upon this desert
Shadows hide my paths
And trials steer me far
Quite a coward at heart
But I promise it's all in due
To a tragic hope I'll let pass
I could win
...wait till I die
Or run away
Get lost
Escape my own...
Humility.

Day Flower (May)

I hear the song:
Through the dust fields
It echoes like a ghost
Raining; clear-blue down
To the hills
Where I wait
So anxiously;
To see you
Just listening
Feeling the wind
Carry away my past
& bring new sands, seeds
Odd moments of never knowing
When to stop
Things I never see.

cigarette death.

Echos in Hymnh
Lingering, lifeless, & dim
Caroled curses
Over a great divide
& it flows so softly;
Crashing on the embankment
Ghastly, garish, gore
Some preemptive presumption
Guiding a false redemption
On the steps of your war monument
Your battle paint smears
On a lucid sobbing face
Beg for rescue
Beg for escape
From this paradise
Based in fiction
Founded on false tradition
Another smoldering tip
Hinged on your blood lip
Exhaling for a future
Inhale for another

Glow to dust.

Glow:
I see myself.
Reflecting in the portraits
Of family members
And I'm looking down
Gunshot.
Bleeding out.
On the stairwell
Watching it pool
& going to school.
(Catching the bus)
(First day)
(So nervous)
Thinking:
Never growing up!
In my last breath
Stuck in my chest
Never coming out!
I can make it if I try.
Never gonna die!
Just always the same.
Just a stain.
Dust:

Brooder.

Blood orange cathedral
Glowing; gleaming, bleeding
On this descent into dusk
Phosperent; it's penetrating:

I so blindly wander
Through your stained-glassed doors
To your shrine of passing ego
Like songs of courage & arms
They fall as they reach crescendo
(And what to do if I should)
I drop to my knees
(With their shrieks and screams)
Bite my tounge with reckless anger
Paint my face in the rust of armor
& rise up like a tragic hero
Journey out into the desert
I'll exploit my own adventure
In photographs
& literature
I'll be the burden:
Of my own honor.

Until I realize.

Audio cassette
Playing monotone
Muted rain fall
Causing:
Static shots out the window
The blinds half blinking
(See the cold light swimming)
On so many faces
Stoic yet uncertain
Gasping from the last encounter
Of a muffled conversation
Where they don't remember:
What was said:
"Or what was told"
-Unclear-
To be so bold:
What to think
...or feel....
To run
Or stand still
Now they're in a quiet panic
(Seated at the table)
Coiled by their secrets
And haunted by their lies
Wonder what will live
& what will die?
What will matter if I stay alive?
& I can't hold my breath.
To break this silence.
And like a shot in the dark:
I hear myself explode.

The emotions that we felt at the carnival late at night.

Blanket Dream
I see your reflection
Words sounding backwords
Discussing the art of being mysterious
Saw your bones drift out like smoke
The oil of the pupils;
Leaving their shells
In puddles of thoughts
And in the lights
It looks like irony
But I know you better
Than you tried not to...
...know yourself
No need to escape exposure
You're no vacant host
To this all impending
Aura of delusion
Threatening to define
You as a feature
More than the:
Hand
Nails
Teeth
...the blood.

CHEEP CREEP.

Oh, how warranted appraise
Delivers conscience traveling
In mounting fists of crooked
Thoughts
Which I raise to the sky
Only to punish and pummel
That which is so forgiving
Moving, drifting, warming
Fleeing
...And falling
To my feet
As I cower
In my own bloodied hands
Terrified at the thought
Of the love in my mind

Real.

I wanna live really fast
And never stop
That's the difference between:
Burning down a house
& blowing up the place
To be engulfed in flames...
As I run out
Into one last summer sunset
& fall into the lake
Like a faling star
..I'd be my own idol.

Understanding.

To trust
In a cavern
Now confused by the creation
Of this tremulous thought
So secret...
So...true
Just an honest secret
What am I to do?
& I'm worried my hands...
...aren't there...
When I hold them beyond the wall
Trying to reach out
& thank somebody.
For:
the
"love:
(So obtuse)

Assemble, light.

Stood in the shapes and lines
What separates...
...space and time
Lands cracked like dry-earth
Came an array of colors
Sprouting from dirt

Here; appear:
Milk thistle
With leaves and thorns
Flowers of bristle
Cloud out the clot
Of a rainstorm
Thunder, shame, doubt
& carry your own hands
To last fade of winding sun
Red heir & desperate sands

To all bright...
Confusion
To be in light
Transfusion
Of souls & eyes
& Ascension
Of pains & dyes
See other dimension:

The mechanics of it all...
Don't seem to add up
Like I'll pretend to fall...
Yet manage somehow to jump

Before I hit the ground
Or even make a sound

With one foul swoop...
Or one last thrust...
See the workings of this dusk.

My Death Stance

In the lone marsh
Heard words
Only Whispering
Through the mist
Carving a shadow
Most simple
In it's depiction
Of reality-
Based human
Colleting the
Petals...
Of many
Dying
Flowers
Said:
"Hold your breath"
As we fall to ash
Cradled like cravens
In our
Last
Moments
of
Desperation:

Covering our eyes
Hands on our heads
No shelter
No shadow
Just mist
Just missed
& now we die.

False Distinction.

White flower on the wrist
Pale on a landscape of ebony
Wavers down the arm
When the ink spills
Like blood from the thorns
(Marching down the path)
Carried on the litter
Curtained up
On a vagous path
Our only light
A hand-made twilight
Cut out by perverts
& deviants
Watching us:
Cullied
By chance of redemption:
"Onward to the throne!"
One last dance
One last party
Until we meet our ends
At the altar
Before our replacements
New yet remembered
Memories
Not distinguished
Corrupting ever breath
Before we kiss
& feel the knife
We talked of emerald fields
We talked of ghosts on the marsh
We never saw
We never thought.

Celestial Season Being

Fall girls
Not like summer girls
Can't see their faces
Bright lights
Confusing
Truth
Beyond their curtains
Stitched at the sleeves
These wing-readied-beings

I
Must try to hide

Down in the valley
Escape their sights
& their talons
Try to know
A feeling
That's what
One was
Now forming
I can't explain it
Just shaking
In place
Unassuming

To the disguise
Mouths instead
Of
Eyes

And here I thought love
Was in my heart
Not my
Mind

Plucked out
& passed out
Like a child's toy

There's nothing
There's not here
Just my...
Blood
My blood!
Oh my!

Got to try
Got to try
To find
The truth!

Our grief only halted by the promise of promiscuity.

Wandered away from those missionaries
Bibles at their belts
Crosses noose-d around their necks
I pulled down my death mask
To face my fears
Face what's next
A tender touch in the baron winter
Full in hollow
Fat and narrow
Calloused yet forgiving
She stood up for herself
In my shadow
Cast about the trees and the marsh
Danced in mutual haze
Our hands like specks of light
Reflecting off the darkness
Shattered mirrors
Balanced our bodies
On a tight rope
To the fire
Called her my Joan of Arc
And with a whimper and a bruise
Knew the night was gone
Innocence in the dusk
Overwhelming
Caught up in ancient trial
Sand worn walls
I smell decay
Look in the well
See ourselves
Painted; cracked faces
Alabaster porcelin
Wash in those filthy waters
Wash away the skin
Tears taste like envy
Realize our shapes
Now that we're reliving
Fingers down a chest
A locket by the heart
Locked in the secret
& off we darted
Our seperate ways.